Mel,
I was on the west coast running a 3-day meeting. My attention was absolutely maxed.
Meanwhile, Laura was 2000 miles away. A meltdown was underway. Her world was descending into chaos.
Laura was alone, calling frantically for outside help. Finally after a VERY long day that included the local police and a trip to the hospital, a professional therapist said, “You need to talk to Margaret.”
Margaret Fleming had raised 3 biological children, and then at age 47 started adopting more. She’d done her most recent adoption at age 68.
The day Laura showed up, Margaret at 82 years old still had 3 teenagers living in her house.
In the 1980s, she had started an adoption agency specializing in special needs and HIV-positive kids, the first of its kind.
Laura’s friend emphasized, “Margaret is the person you need. She’s a trauma samurai.”
Thus began the most successful relationship our family has ever had with a therapist.
She sat down with all of us and untangled disagreements. Worked out a plan with everyone’s input.
Laura started seeing her regularly. Other family members followed. Laura and I started seeing her together as a couple.
Margaret celebrated her 90th birthday on Saturday, August 22. Still raising her kids.
She gets a good deal of the credit for a transformation my family has experienced over the last 5 years. She’s still seeing three or four of us regularly. She’s razor sharp.
A few months ago she finished writing her autobiography. “Rise: A Book of Second Chances.” It was only when I read it that I understood why she’s so effective:
She’s not just *seen* everything... she’s LIVED THROUGH everything.
Suicide attempt. Divorce. Abandonment. Incest. Traumatic adoptions. Hopelessness. Professional dislocations. Financial disasters.
For her it’s not theory. She knows it in her bones.
One afternoon Margaret called me: “We’re not getting anywhere, seeing you as a couple. I need to see you individually for a while.” She picked up on a *major* pattern no friend, no professional, no colleague had ever noticed:
“Perry thinks he’s in trouble.”
She explained, “Every time something goes wrong in your relationship, you think a shoe is about to drop. You run for cover... you get defensive... you withdraw... this is from you being the scapegoat when you were 13 and there’s some part of you that still thinks it’s going on.”
She didn’t hypnotize me, or “solve it” – she just pointed it out. Every time it popped up.
Again, it was very subtle. Nobody else had picked up on it – but once she named it, it was obvious.
She helped Laura see it too. “Laura, next time something goes sideways, I’d like you to tell Perry he’s not in trouble first. THEN say whatever comes next.”
It was like tweaking a screw in an engine and to your delight it stops sputtering and runs smoothly.
Anyone who's going through a long dark night of the soul... a marriage coming unglued, being betrayed, violated by family.... a child who can't attach... losing the will to live... when you’re in the middle of that, you feel incredibly alone and hopeless.
Sometimes it's all you can do to keep the blinds from closing completely.
Margaret is proof that once you’ve found your superpower... which usually has some relation to your most terrifying trial... you can become a generation-level talent.
She’s a showcase of skills some people don’t even think you can develop: emotional intelligence and searing gifts of perception.
If you’ve been around the block a bunch of times and the usual help isn’t panning out... maybe you need to find someone who SEES you for who you really are.
Perry Marshall
You can read Margaret’s story of disaster and redemption here: https://amzn.to/4xihEm8
